you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
