If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize