Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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