Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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