I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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