She said her name was "party"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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