idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're like the curious george of whores
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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