Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
