I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
