Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
