my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
