i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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