I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
