Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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