I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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