Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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