You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
