Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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