will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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