so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
