i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
