jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
