Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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