I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize