is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
