You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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