two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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