Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
