so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
