just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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