hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
