so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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