Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
