Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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