I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
