In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
