its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
