she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize