Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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