You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
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on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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