I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
