I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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