I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
