he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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