i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
