what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
