i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
