I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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