remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
