somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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