why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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