are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
