You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
