My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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