Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
