So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Found your dick twin last night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
