she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
