Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Randomize
