why didn't you poke me back
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
