He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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