It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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