I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
