Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
