she told me i tasted like america
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
