just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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