you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
