belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
