dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize